All Behavior is Communication, but what does that really mean?

I (Helene) was adopted as a baby. As a child, I struggled to feel connected to my parents. Of course, I didn't know that is what was happening for me, I just knew that I felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole... a round hole that was on fire, like a circus ring.

As a child I was often labeled as attention-seeking, demanding, emotional, and dramatic. I remember not listening, rejecting my loved ones, demanding attention in the most unpleasant ways, and feeling even worse about myself than my parents could have possibly felt about me. Overall, I felt rotten inside and spent my time confirming this feeling through my actions, over and over again.

I know now, that feeling stemmed from my attachment difficulties with my parents. My parents who loved me so much. My parents who would have walked through fire for me. My parents who loved me to the core of their beings. Their love didn’t stop me from feeling unlovable. And their love also didn’t stop me from wanting to connect to them through nearly unbearable ways. My bad behavior was the only way I knew to communicate that something was wrong.

My parents did the best they could. And also, I hope, for my adopted children’s sake, my best is better. I hope to always be able to see past my children’s behaviors to understand what’s underneath: a deep need for connection, to be seen, to be heard, and of course, to be loved