Some of our most impactful moments occur during children’s moments of distress.
When children express intense emotions and we meet them with empathy and connection, they not only learn to understand and label their feelings, but they also learn that we are there for them, we are on their team.
Working with children with big behaviors, we often hear about the importance of children learning “self-regulation,” but truly the only way we learn self-regulation is through co-regulation. When we feel depleted and rundown from our children’s constant needs, this can feel nearly impossible. We must honor how hard it can feel to show up time and time again for our children’s big feelings. We cannot push our own feelings down or ignore the buzzing in our own nervous systems. Who and how we are is okay- and we get to notice and respond to our own bodies in order to show up for our kids when they need us.
It’s only once we have recognized what’s happening in our own bodies that we can show up for our children in these moments of distress. In this, our children learn to look to us for guidance and reassurance. By offering a supportive presence and validating their emotions, we create a safe space for them to explore and express their feelings. Through our empathetic responses, we teach them that it’s okay to feel what they feel and that they are not alone in their experiences. For our children who have experienced trauma, feeling deeply alone can often be a byproduct or the fear and loss they experienced. Through showing up, we can let their bodies know: you’re not alone, we are right there with you.
